A Letter from Chris Suarez
THE BATTLE OF CONFIDENCE VS EGO
On the path to identify the common characteristics of highly productive and successful people, across all industries you will undoubtedly find self-confidence as one of the most common.
Confidence comes from our internal belief in ourselves. This can be built every time we do what we say we are going to do. Every commitment to ourselves that we keep, we build our self-confidence. This quality is completely internal. Our self-confidence can’t be taken away by anyone, and external validation or recognition is unnecessary to build it. Your level of self-confidence is controlled by simply meeting your own expectations of and commitments to yourself.
Each time we tell ourselves we will do something and we do it, we gain a bit more confidence in ourselves. Tell yourself you’ll wake up at 5am for the live Peloton class and actually wake up? You built some confidence. Hear the alarm at 5am and hit snooze because the ride isn’t necessary, and you might, just possibly, maybe have a cold coming on. You just lost some confidence.
Our confidence rises and falls to the level of our execution.
This same truth works for any self commitment that we keep or break. Our business confidence is built every day by showing up when we said we would show up. Commit to showing up to the office by 8am for your morning stand-up, practice, and then lead generation time? Every time you don’t do it, you actually lose confidence in self.
No big deal you are thinking? Anders Ericsson and Albert Bandura are two psychologists who dedicated a lifetime of research and study that would prove otherwise.
Bandura found that self-confidence had the greatest influence on personal motivation and drive for achievement and success. Ericsson has written white papers and articles on the connection between self-confidence and high achievement as well as it being the motivating factor behind those willing to commit to deliberate practice for long periods of time. Yes, self-confidence leads to high achievement.
With that said, Bandura’s Learning Theory also found that almost all human behaviour is learned through observation, imitation, and modelling. Who we surround ourselves with matters. Who we partner with matters.
Now, I didn’t want to write a letter on self-confidence without briefly addressing ego. There is a fine line in definition. It's a world of difference in experience when around someone on either side of that line however.
Self-confidence is attractive, it’s energizing, it’s progressive.
Ego is unpleasant, it’s draining, it’s regressive.
Something to be mindful of. Knowing that confidence is a necessary component of success, we can try to mask our lack of true self-confidence with a cloak of ego.
The Latin root word “ego” simply means “I.” Keep in mind, ego in itself is not bad. By definition it means “acting in one’s self interest,” or even pursuing your own goals. Both necessary and positive things. However ego can quickly slide into egocentrism where we begin perceiving the world and and everyone in the world from our personal vantage point - placing self in the center, with the world revolving around that focal point. It leads to lack of appreciation for anyone else or anyone else’s viewpoint or perspective. We all have met that individual.
In fact, if the world outside isn’t revolving around them or noticing them, they will do whatever it takes to garner that attention.
We need a little less ego in the world and a lot more self-confidence.
Our belief in ourselves is built no differently than our belief in others. Our closest friends are close to us because we can rely on them. We can trust them. We can count on them. They will be there when we need them. And because of that we have confidence in them. We all look to be that person for others. Now be that person for yourself as well.
Your self-confidence is built on the fact that you can rely on yourself to show up, you can trust yourself to do what you said you will do, you can count on yourself to commit. And because of that you have confidence in you.
Chris