A Letter from Chris Suarez
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"
This week, just for a moment, I became my mom. Of course, every child says they never will. And every child, that eventually has a child, does.
It often times goes something like this:
Parent: Tells child to clean their room, finish school work, complete a chore, take a shower, walk the dog (or insert any other necessary activity) before they are allowed to call their friend and hang out on the phone.
Oldest daughter: “That’s not fair!”
Parent: “Well, life isn’t fair!”
Immediately after it came out of my mouth, I rolled my eyes at myself, remembering back to the hundreds of times I heard that from my parents growing up. And yet, I had never stopped to decide whether or not it was a truth to me.
So I decided to sit down with my daughter and talk out what “fair” really meant. While doing so, I realized how many lessons there were to apply to life and business.
In life when things don’t go the way we expect, the way we want, or the way we would design it, somewhere we have this trigger that pulls out the “that’s not fair” card. That word fair literally means “in accordance with rules”. But how many situations in our life are built around rules? Are there any real rules to life? Are there rules for when you have your first child? Are their rules for when you are diagnosed with illness? Are there rules when you fall in love, or someone breaks your heart? Are there rules when your parents pass away or your child tragically dies? Life isn’t a tennis match or a football game where you can open up the rule book and find out if you or your opponent is playing fair. Life isn’t a board game with rules to gauge whether or not someone is playing fair.
Well, I guess it is actually a board game. The board game called LIFE was originally created in 1860 by Milton Bradley…and therein may lie the problem. There were rules to that game you had to follow - hop in the car, go to college, get a job, find yourself a spouse, have a couple kids, retire with a certain amount of money. It actually sounds like the majority of Americans must have played that game, learned those rules, and are still trying to follow them. In the actual game, very little was left to choice. You spun the wheel, you took your turn, and you followed the rules. The rules were based on the cards you drew and the spaces you found yourself on. You just accepted it as it came. I must have played that game hundreds of times as a child. And I am so glad I never believed my life had to be that way.
First, that game was devoid of any real experience. Life started, it ended, and nothing extraordinary ever happened in the middle. Sure, there was very little tragedy, or struggle, or heartache that arose. After all, it was a game rated for age 8 and up. And it was fair. You played by the rules. Everyone followed the same path.
In the game of real life, there are no rules. There is no fair or unfair. We have choices to make every day. There are forks in the road every week. There are challenges with peaks and valleys every year. There’s no wheel to spin or cards to pick up dollars to be handed to you. And at times the end of the game comes way too early.
But imagine a world that was just “fair”. Imagine for just a moment a business that was just “fair”. Imagine if every time someone asked you how you were feeling, you felt the urge to say, just, “fair.” No-one wants a life that is fair.
Look at your business. By definition, if a business was fair, it would denote that “no-one is trying to achieve an advantage.” As I look at your businesses individually and collectively, most from outside looking in would say all of you are being unfair. Capitalism is an economic system based on building products, and trade, and industry for profit. You use that profit to create the experiences you want, not the ones the board or the dice or the cards handed you. You use that profit to help others. You use that “unfair” advantage to create opportunity for those that you love and those that you lead.
As I sat with my daughter, we decided we would be careful what we asked for. A fair life or a fair business is not what we signed up for and not what we want.
I guess at the end of the day my mom was right. She usually was. Life isn’t fair. And I am thankful it isn’t.