A Letter from Chris Suarez
YOU vs YOU
It seems that today there is always something or someone to compare ourselves to. We are constantly competing. We turn everything into a competition or a game of comparison. Some of us are masters at this.
We find athletes to compare our running times to.
We find models to compare our body to.
We find influencers to compare our followers to.
We find millionaires to compare our bank account to.
We find the magazines to compare our home and car and clothes to.
We find rom-coms to compare our relationship to.
We find CEOs to compare our business to.
Unfortunately comparing and competing is no game.
By definition, the purpose of comparison is to “estimate, measure, or note the similarity or dissimilarity between.” We measure ourselves against those similarities or dissimilarities. It’s like we all reverted back to math class when we learned greater than and less than functions. We’d examine the difference between two numbers or quantities and decide if it were “greater than, less than, or equal to” another number or quantity. Unfortunately, in the math class of self-comparison, we tend to end up on the wrong side of “< “.
Mark Twain said that "comparison is the death of joy.” In life the comparison game will always cause us to come up deficient. Why? Because there is always someone “greater” than us somewhere. There is only one best or first. Whether we realize it or not then our happiness often becomes connected to and hinged upon that comparison. And, if my miracle, we do end up becoming the best at something by nature of comparing ourselves with others and coming up ahead, we are knowingly or unknowingly forcing someone else into the comparison game. In effect, playing a “You vs Them” game. It’s time to play the “You vs You” game.
Well ok, you might think. Comparison can easily be accepted as destructive. It’s easy to see evidence of comparisons leading to feelings of low self-confidence, jealousy, discontent, depression, and lack of trust. But what’s wrong with a little healthy competition? Be careful.
By definition, the purpose of competition is to “gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same.” Competition is only healthy in professional sports and backyard games.
So why do we find ourselves competing with and comparing to others so often? Because it is easy. It is easier to have someone else set the scorecard than set our own. It’s easier to take an external target and decide that’s what winning looks like as opposed to setting an internal target of what winning looks like to us. Warren Buffet once said, “The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard.”
Do you have an inner scorecard? Are you winning at You vs You? How do build that inner scorecard?
1. We draw out our mission, our vision, our values
2. We sketch out our ideals
3. We paint our future self
4. We mold our preferred future
Yes, every one of those words is creative. Whereas comparing and competing to someone else’s scorecard is very linear and very objective, the You vs You game is highly subjective. It is creative. And you are the artist. It isn’t easy work. Creating that mission, your set of ideals, your future self, and how that self interacts with your preferred future.
Find or build a “You vs You” organization. Everyone must be willing and open to share who the YOU of their future is. What does that person look like? What does that person do? How does that person act?
Create an environment or find an environment where we know that those around us are there to push us to compete with ourselves. It will lead us to running stronger, pushing harder, driving faster. But stronger, harder, and faster than ourselves.
We are all playing a You vs You game in a You vs You world.
Chris
