A Letter from Chris Suarez
WHO HERE IS COMPETITIVE?
This week I was able to spend quite a bit of time with some really bright people across the industry. Some of that time was spent listening in the audience as they spoke from stage. Some of that time was spent sitting across the table from them in a private or small group conversation.
Some of those people I have known for years, others I met more recently, still others I had never met before.
I was exposed to some impressive people, some impressive businesses, some impressive careers, and some impressive results. In those moments, it seems almost natural to begin to compare yourself to other people. We notice:
How far they’ve come. Or perhaps more specifically how much farther I thought I’d be at this point.
How much they’ve grown. Or perhaps more specifically how much larger I thought I’d be at this point.
How many problems they have solved. Or perhaps more specifically how many more problems I thought I would have solved at this point.
How many people they have impacted. Or perhaps more specifically how many more people I thought I would have reached by this point.
How much their company is worth. Or perhaps more specifically how much more I thought my company would be worth at this point.
All of these are just hypothetical comparisons. But it illustrates how quickly we can move from acknowledging another person's accomplishments, time frames, successes, or present situations and immediately begin to compare ourselves. We compare their present to our present. We compare their results to our results. We compare their current point on their trajectory graph to our current point on our trajectory graph. And suddenly they go from being a source of information and learning and pacing, and instead they become a reference point.
If we are not careful, we can take their current situation and apply a reference point of comparison to ourselves. What is a reference point?
It is a statement of truth. It is something we come back to in order to test our own theories or establish future truth against. Think of your reference books in high school or college. Think about the miles of shelves of reference books in the NY Public Library.
Don’t test your beliefs about yourself or establish your own truth against the reference point of another human. Their truth is not yours.
Of course, it is hard to not compare ourselves to others.
Why do we do that? Competition.
We are competitive as a species.
Some of us more than others. And we know who we are. Humans have been competitive for most of mankind’s history. If we weren’t competitive as a race, we would not have created sport, and game, and physical competition.
Interestingly, the word “compete” originally showed up in the 17th century and had a definition of “to strive for.” That seems noble and personal. Along the way, the formal definition changed to “rivalry”. It became a win or lose.
Sports and competition goes back some 3,000 years with the first documented Olympic Games being held in 776 BC. It involved races, wrestling, jumping, javelin throwing. Interestingly enough, sport was invented around mankind’s earliest jobs. We created sport to prepare for hunting or war - throwing spears or rocks, sparring with swords or javelins. Early men and women began competing around their job’s activity. Clearly, not much has changed.
And competition is really just comparison. Those that are incredibly competitive don’t compartmentalize where in life they compare and where they do not.
In the sports world we compare one team or one player to the other team or player. In the corporate world we compare one business or CEO to another business or CEO. In our personal world we compare our looks, our weight, our height, or our relationships with another’s.
And we don’t show up to a competition being prepared to lose. We don’t agree to compete in a game we plan to lose. We show up to the competition looking to win, to beat the opponent, to take the medal. (You can imagine what a Friday night game of Monopoly looks like at my house.) With that in mind, way back in 1897 W.L. Sheldon wrote an article called “What To Believe” where he stated:
“There is nothing truly noble about being superior to another human being. The only true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
This stuck with me this week as I thought about competition and comparison. Unfortunately, if we look at others as our reference point of winning, we will allow others to define the rules of our game. Business is personal. Solving problems is personal. Growth is personal. Impact is personal.
Setting a goal of beating another person, another company, another organization is futile. There will always be someone else setting their sights on you or your company or your organization. The real nobility is competing with ourselves - more specifically, our former selves. The real nobility is winning the competition of your current state vs. your preferred future.
Our reference point need only be us. We need only to compete with ourselves. Otherwise we will be enticed into someone else’s game. A game that they designed with rules that they wrote - playing on their home field.
Be careful what your reference points are. The only healthy reference point is yourself. Where are you today? Where do you want to be? Measure yourself based on yourself, not based on someone else.
How do we transform our competitive nature into nobility? Compete against your former self. Oh, and of course make sure you are winning.
Chris