A Letter from Chris Suarez
“VALID ID & REGISTRATION PLEASE”
While driving I was recently pulled over by a police offer. Now don’t ask any questions because that is not the point of this post, but no, I didn’t get a ticket. The officer asked me for a valid ID and registration. As opposed to my “invalid” ID that I usually carry around? As he brought back my license I couldn’t help but think about the word “valid”.
What made that ID valid? It had my photo on it to identify me. It had my height and weight and eye color to prove that I was in fact the person in the photo. It had a stamp and seal of approval from a governmental agency. It also had a start date and end date on it - giving me a certain period of time that I was approved to operate a vehicle.
All of that seemed acceptable enough.
Until a few days later when in conversation a friend shared with me that someone else in their life validated them. That they were validated by one of their mentors, and that validation built loyalty. As I scanned social media later that day I realized that the majority of social was built around validation. And in some respects, we are all looking for it. We post pictures of ourselves, our meals, our workouts, our vacations, our relationships, our parties…
Certainly, nothing wrong with any of those things.
And then we are trained by those platforms to sit and wait for the validation to roll in. The thumbs-up, the heart, the comments, the compliments. And although mostly adults will read this post, the real tragedy is our children are being trained to look for validation in the wrong places as well.
Think back to the purpose of that valid ID. It identified me, it described me, it approved me, it gave me permission to act - it validated me. If we are not careful we will look to things and people to validate us as well. To identify us, to describe us, to approve us, to give us permission to be…to validate us. That right doesn’t belong to other humans.
The word “valid” first showed up in the 16th century and was derived from the latin word “validus” with the meaning “strong, effective, powerful, active”.’’
We don’t get our strength, our effectiveness, our power, or our ability to act from someone else. Our value and worth was set the day we were born - the day we were given life. We don’t need validation of that value or worth from a mentor, a career, a scoreboard, a bank account, a partner, a car, or a thumbs-up.
No one and nothing can validate us.
Validation is the process of “making something acceptable” or “recognizing or affirming a person or their feelings or opinions are worthwhile.” Your external surroundings are not your litmus test of acceptability or worth. The struggle for validation leads to the fight for acceptance. There is already enough to struggle and fight over in the world. Take validation off your list. You own that.
We all need people to believe in us, and support us, and champion us. But they are not our validators. They don’t make our beliefs true or establish our worth. We may like cars, or nice clothes, or luxurious vacations. But those things do not make us valid either.
You are valid without any one and any thing.
Chris
