A Letter from Chris Suarez
THE PANDEMIC OF FOMO
At the time of me sitting down to write this we have lost 2.4M humans to a virus we have labeled as Covid 19. That ranks it as one of the deadliest pandemics in human history. Over 108M have been infected worldwide. Scientists and epidemiologists are still researching what the long term effects may be on our bodies. What makes this so difficult to handle and control is the inability for us to see it, the inability for us to identify it for days after contracting it, and the inability for us to truly stop the spread of it.
And yet there is another pandemic, even more contagious, more difficult to handle, more difficult to identify, and will be more difficult to stop. One of the most insidious diseases in our country right now is something that has been labeled as FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out.
The term was coined back in 2003 by then Harvard student Patrick McGinnis when he realized that students wanted to live every day experientially and to the fullest, but with the advent of social media and mobile tech they began to also believe they were missing out on things, or that others will living a bigger life, as they were constantly bombarded with images of both beliefs.
It wasn’t until 2013, a decade later, that the term showed up in the Oxford Dictionary, defined as an “uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling” cause by someone else having something or doing something that you don’t have or are not doing.
Well look around. Fear of missing out is tearing the fabric of our self-esteem, it’s breaking the foundation of our self-confidence, and it’s causing us to be bearish on our self-worth.
Studies have now linked social media, and the FOMO that it fuels, to many mental health conditions - from anxiety, to mood swings, to reduced self-esteem, to increased levels of negativity and depression. It has led to feelings of regret and lack of social significance.
We may like to think we are immune to it. But how many times did you go back and check how many people liked your post, hearted your photo, commented on your status, or shared or retweeted your thought.
And what about our children and our teenagers? The world seems to be overrun with “influencers.” Children their age or younger with millions of “fans”, sitting in cars they are too young to drive, buying homes too big for their entire 3rd grade class, wearing shoe brands they can't even spell, and singing songs with words I won’t even say.
Adults are not immune to influencers either - with brands and companies hiring and partnering with influencers to advance their agenda. If they are sitting in their private jet, drinking their $1000 bottle of bubbly, getting picked up by their $250K custom vehicle, to drive them to their $15M newly built oceanfront third home, then clearly I can follow them, watch them, and listen to them to just pick up their clues and piece together the mystery to make myself happy.
Some of the fastest growing companies and products will play on this epidemic of FOMO. They promised better bodies, increased social status, stronger friendships and connection, even claims that you are missing out on the best opportunity since “fill in the blank”. Just an innocent sales pitch? Some may think so. But I believe it’s playing to human weakness and the pandemic that has the potential to cause real pain. These ad campaigns, product sales funnels, and recruiting campaigns all take advantage of our desire to not miss out… on anything.
Slowly and then suddenly we, and our children, begin to feel like we are falling behind in the race, which leads to feeling left out, which leads to feeling less important, which leads to feeling unfulfilled, which leads to feeling unloved, which leads to feeling…
Mental health issues have risen every year since the early 2010’s. The biggest increases have come in the form of loneliness, self-harm, suicide attempts and worse, with the most pronounced increase among girls and young women. Yes, I am the father of two young girls. And yes, this can affect everyone.
As FOMO begins to creep in so does comparison with ourselves and others physically and socially and economically. When we see someone else ‘achieve or gain something’, we begin to feel like we’ve missed out. In fact, perhaps we feel we may have lost out on the opportunity that they were given.
It stems from believing we can experience life by watching other people live theirs. Remember, they are people we don’t know. They are doing things in photos through filters and lenses that your real life app just doesn’t have. Just scroll. So many have seemingly hired professional photographers to follow them around to catch them when they “look the best”, seem “the happiest”, “are accomplishing the impossible”. Instead of wanting to experience the real world, why do we now prefer to look at it through a virtual window?
And let’s be honest. We can all fall into that trap. Just think back to the last selfie you posted. Did you choose from one take? 5 takes? 11 takes? Yeah, so did they. What makes us believe that following the lives of others on social media will enrich our own lives? Have you convinced yourself that it will motivate you to try harder, dig deeper, or be stronger? The healthcare industry, psychologists, therapists, and counselors would disagree with you.
The vaccine for the pandemic of FOMO?
Self-esteem. Self-confidence. Self-worth.
Our self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts.
Our self-confidence comes from how we see ourselves in the mirror, not the selfie.
Our self-worth comes from doing valuable things.
Chris