A letter from Chris Suarez

THE DARK SIDE OF COMPETITION

This week I got back on the wagon. Well, more accurately, back on the bike. I had taken about a month away from my Peloton as I worked on my health in other areas. And so bright and early Monday I decided to start my week off with Matt Wilpers - my instructor of choice. I usually choose a Power Zone ride or a High Interval Training ride, so I went with something familiar. And that probably would have been just fine, until I started focusing on the “leaderboard.”

For the non “Pelotonians” who are reading this, on every ride you are able to track your cadence, your resistance, your output, and your power zone in front of you on the screen. There is also a rather large feature on the right hand side of your screen that shows you how many riders are in the class, how many have taken it in the past, and where you rank amidst the group in real time. It shows you ideally working your way towards the top of the leaderboard. There is a social aspect to this, a motivational aspect to this, a tracking aspect to this, and a competitive aspect to this. Of course at any time, you can hide that feature -In effect just focusing on yourself as if you are the only person in the room. 

I’ve always kept that leaderboard up and active on my screen. I usually aim to be in the top 25% of the pack… that top quartile… without pushing too hard or letting myself fall too far behind. I’m not a professional cyclist, and for the most part I only ride to keep my cardio health consistent. I won’t win any awards on the bike, but I want to stay competitive. After all, I can be a rather competitive person.

For whatever reason that morning the leaderboard began to frustrate me. Now, not in the casual frustration of looking over at the leaderboard and wishing I was higher. But rather, like really frustrate me. As I slipped from the top 25% of riders to the top 30% to the top 40% (and yes - I was calculating this many times over in my head to make sure it was actually happening) I began to get frustrated with myself.  

I found myself no longer paying attention to the coach, but rather just looking at the leaderboard and peddling and pushing as hard as possible to gain ground - to make up for the spots I was slipping. I stopped paying attention to my cadence, my resistance, or my personal output. Why was I so frustrated?  Perhaps it was the fact that I found myself in 9,000th place… amongst some 11,000 riders. Perhaps it was because as I looked at the few riders right ahead of me and the few riders right behind me, I couldn’t understand how I could be 10 years younger than them… and still falling behind. Perhaps it was because I felt like I had gotten worse over the last month instead of better. Perhaps it was the virtual high five someone sent me on the bike that in my head meant that they certainly and clearly knew that I wasn’t riding up to par. They must  also be surprised by my poor performance.

Whatever the case, about 20 minutes into my 45 minute ride, I decided to swipe right and hide the leaderboard from plain view. I'd like to tell you that immediately I forgot about the competition. That I immediately felt better. What I can tell you is that it only took a few minutes for the frustration to begin to subside. As I refocused on what I was doing, how I was peddling, what my cadence and resistance were, how I was showing up, I regained form, regained consistency, and regained my confidence on the bike. 

I can’t tell you where I wound up on that leaderboard by the end of the ride. That is because I decided for that ride, it didn’t matter at all. I was just going to focus on getting back on the bike for the first time in a month. I was going to focus on the effort and the work that I put in that morning. I was just going to count my commitment to ride, commitment to finish, and commitment to follow my plan as the win. My goal that morning had not been to win a race or even show up at the top. It had been to get back on the bike and get back into my routine and rhythm.

Later that day as I thought about the ride I realized how relevant my experience on the bike is for so many in the office. As healthy as the leaderboard can be (the social aspect, the motivational aspect, the tracking aspect, the competitive aspect) it can easily become frustrating, disruptive, or even destructive. In our drive to move up the rankings, show up at the top of any list, receive an award, or just achieve recognition from our peers we can lose sight of what our real goal is. We can stop listening to the coach and throw out any previous plans, strategies, rhythms, or routines.  We can be so focused on what others are doing, convincing ourselves of how others might be thinking about us, or so focused on where we “aren’t” that we completely lose touch with our original goal, purpose, or mission.

The leaderboard can push us to do things we didn’t intend to do. Yes, it can be incredibly healthy when kept in perspective. But it can also lead us to drive ourselves in unhealthy ways. We can begin comparing ourselves to those around us in pernicious ways. We can develop negative emotions towards those right in front of us, those right behind us, and of course the person in the mirror.

Once we commit to a goal, commit to a path or process to achieve that goal, and commit to the agency we have to arrive at that goal according to design and schedule, then do just that. Commit. Appreciating those out ahead and those behind is valuable. Having a leaderboard to learn from is healthy. Keeping that leaderboard in perspective is key.

(Oh, and one more passing question for you Peloton riders. On Wednesday I decided to mix it up and take a ride with Leanne Hainsby and on Friday a ride with Ally Love. Isn’t the real quandary how in the world they can do an intense 30 minute bike ride and as I finish red-faced and sweat-drenched, they both end their ride looking like they just got out of hair and make-up???  But maybe that’s just me being competitive again.)

Chris