A Letter from Chris Suarez

NOT JUST ANOTHER HALLMARK CARD

I’ve been thinking about the reminders we get from our calendar, from society, from strategically designed Hallmark commercials. Special days, special weeks, special months. The reminder to do things we should have thought to do before the reminder. The reminder to say things to people we should have said things to before the reminder. The reminder to acknowledge, value, and be human to entire groups of people that should need no reminder.

We get reminded to love our kids and appreciate that they showed up when they did. We get reminded to thank our mom and dad for all that they did for us. We get reminded to hug and kiss our boyfriend, our girlfriend, and spouse. We get reminded to love our loved ones. We get reminded to think about important people in our life or those that made our lives better. We get reminded to be grateful for what and who we have. We even get reminded to be nice to our pets.

But once we get the reminder should we need it again in a year?  Does the act of love, acknowledgement, appreciation, validation, or attention suffice until next year at this time? Even more, does the person on the other end of the reminder appreciate it entirely as much as they would appreciate it on a day that we needed no reminder?

The blog this week isn’t to challenge the day, the commemoration, the anniversary. Rather it’s a challenge to myself not to allow a certain day to define a relationship, a certain month to define how I act towards or think of others, or a certain season to remind me of what’s most important. 

We all have traditions. Those traditions have been built based on how they make us feel and who we build them around. Live into those traditions. That vacation you take every year with the family, the anniversary dinner at a favorite restaurant, that weekend you always spend together, or the special meal you make or share at home each year. But its not the day or event that is important. It’s how that day makes you feel. And that feeling is always based on who you are with. It’s the emotion felt when spending time alone with someone. It’s the emotion felt when you give a gift to someone you love - the harder you worked for that gift, the stronger your emotion. It’s the emotion of seeing your loved ones together enjoying the moment. It’s the time you took to learn about someone that paved the way for you and the power behind feeling the emotions that they felt while doing it. Traditions are about people and emotions. Traditions are about how you make them feel and how they make you feel.

We don’t need to wait until next year to experience those emotions or make someone feel remembered, loved, respected, acknowledged. Too often the day ends, the week closes, the month flips and we are waiting for the next reminder.

Some years back my family and I started renting a beautiful house in wine country just about an hour out of town. We didn’t get in a plane or go somewhere exotic. Every September we would pack up for the weekend and drive just an hour away. Yes, it was a beautiful house but simple enough. It sat amidst a small vineyard, it had beautiful views, a relaxing pool, a large living room with a big fireplace and long kitchen island. It had a porch out front and a fire pit out back. We’d invite a few of our closest friends to spend three days with us. We would have a chef come one night and cook an incredible meal. The other nights we would cook together, we’d play games, watch some movies, read some books, drink some wine, the kids would swim. We’d sit on the front porch in the mornings and sit by the firepit in the evenings. We would look forward to these three days all year. We’d talk about them. We’d think about them. We’d look at pictures and watch videos from them. Just waiting for that weekend so we could experience that time together again. Until I realized that if we loved the emotion that the space and the time and the people created in those three days, then it was worth every bit of energy, hard work, and money it would take to recreate that space such that we could live there and experience those emotions every day. 

Thus began the journey of our little farm. Some friends thought me crazy for giving up our city home and finding 40 acres that reminded me of that place we loved so much. But ultimately, I set out to create a place that would be a constant reminder of the emotions my family looked forward to each year. It didn’t matter if it was a “forever home” or just a place to come back to, anytime we wanted to experience - or be reminded of - what mattered most to us. So we bought the farm. And we began the remodel. Simple enough. It has beautiful views, a large living room with a big fireplace and long kitchen island. We added a pool, a front porch, and a firepit out back. We do the same simple things here that we did there. We cook together, play games, watch some movies, read some books. And yes, there is a small vineyard.

The point? We need not wait all year to experience the emotions we enjoy the most. 

Build a life that consistently reminds your children that they are as much a gift today as they were the day they were born.

Build a schedule that confirms to your spouse you are still in love with them.

Don’t wait until next year for breakfast with mom or dinner with dad. Next year may not come. Acknowledge, learn from, and expose yourself to new groups of people and those who came before you. 

We don’t need Hallmark to remind us to create the right emotion with people that we love.  We don’t need a special day or a special week or a special month. If people matter, show them that they matter every day of every week of every month.

Chris