A letter from Chris Suarez
IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP… AND THE BOTTOM.
There's a commonly used expression which has turned into a commonly held belief that “it is lonely at the top.” Some use that to indicate that as you grow and build and achieve, you will find yourself in a class of your own. You will lose your ability to relate to others, to connect with others, or even be understood by others. But that thinking is limited and flawed. That thinking is myopic. That thinking couldn’t be further from the truth.
In fact, I find that it could be an expression that our ego convinces us to be true, based on the fact that the ego is what causes the loneliness to begin with. It’s our ego that rationalizes the environment that it itself created.
Whether at the top, at the bottom, or in the middle, loneliness is created by the environment that we build, choose, or even wake up and find ourselves in.
It can be lonely at the top. And it can be just as lonely at the bottom.
If you put yourself in an environment of top thinkers, top doers, top movers, and top performers, then it won’t be lonely. You will be surrounded by collaborators, co-workers, customers, and true partners right by your side.
Conversely, if you separate yourself as the leader, believe yourself to be the smartest in every room, or overvalue independence, consciously or subconsciously you will become an elitist. And with that comes loneliness. The loneliness sets in as we begin to separate ourselves from others, regardless of who we are and where we are.
I believe in the power of partnership. Because true partnership eliminates loneliness. True partnership provides direction, provides suggestion, provides confirmation, provides collaboration. You will never be “leadership lonely” within true partnership.
Be mindful of the fact that it can also be noisy at the top, at the bottom, and in the middle. There will be plenty of people with their own ideas and opinions very willing to share them. Some will be overly complimentary and overwhelmingly optimistic. Be careful to not believe everything your biggest supporters say about you. Remember, success and accolades alone can breed complacency and kill a business. Some will be overly critical and overwhelmingly negative. Be careful to not believe everything your biggest detractors say about you. Remember, failure can be demoralizing but can also be self-correcting. Again the noise you experience is based on the partnerships you develop and the partners you keep.
Being lonely isn’t dependent on reaching a certain level of success or a certain level of failure. It isn’t automatic. It can show up anytime in an environment of separation or independence or competition. If you find yourself there, ask whether you are willing to allow yourself into an environment of partnership. Partnership opens the door to connectedness, and closes the door to loneliness.
Chris
