A Letter from Chris Suarez

DON’T FORGET THE PAST

This week a message kept popping up in different places, in different settings, and in different ways. It led me to spend a bit of time thinking and writing about it this weekend.

You see, there were consistent reminders about how important our past is to each of our futures.  

On Monday I ran into an old friend that played a part in introducing me to my wife.  

On Wednesday I got a call from one of my first mentors in business that I met when I was just 19 years old.  

On Saturday morning I spent a few hours trimming grape vines in preparation for a coming harvest - grape vines that someone planted 15 years ago on this land - that I will enjoy three or four years from today.  

This afternoon I received a text from a friend that just had their second baby.  

And that is when I really stopped to think. How often do we forget the past?

Many of my friends have been blessed to welcome new little lives into the world in the past few months. The texts and posts with the babies pressed against their mother, the father kissing their forehead, or the little brother grinning from ear to ear as he welcomes his baby sister into the world, are just priceless. Those loving families and safe environments have the ability to shape that child’s future. And yet regardless of how we were all raised, it’s important not to forget the past.

Many know that my mom was killed tragically when I was just ten months old. Sad enough. But the first three of those ten short months I spent in another state, separated from my family in an incubator. You see, poor choices of others led me to being born way too soon. To be honest, it can be easy to forget that past. And at times I may want to. And yet that woman and the event surrounding the birth and eventual tragedy has taught me some foundational lessons. It definitely shaped my past, it helped pave the way to my future, and it wildly informs my present. I need to be a bit more grateful for that past, as it has led me to be so incredibly focused on living as experientially as possible.  If we forget the past, our laser focus on the future can cause us to forget the price we already paid for the lessons we have previously learned.  

-The importance, value, and impact of decision making on ourselves and those around us is one of the greatest gifts my mom could have ever left for me.

-How my dad responded to the situation is one of the greatest lessons and memories I was given as a human.

-Having people in my life that loved me and cared for me as if I were their actual child taught me that being human and caring for others is a choice that each of us can make.  

-Looking back on ten short months that I have no memory of is a reminder of the value of the next ten months, the next ten weeks, the next ten days, the next ten minutes.

The past has helped me to commit to being on a journey of fatherhood that I can be proud of. Certainly there are many days that I fail. There are many days that I embarrass myself in the role. And it is easier for me to fail if I forget the past. If I forget the pain of not having a parent, it makes it slightly easier for me to not show up as one now.  It is easier to not live up to being the parent I committed to being.  

Fortunately, our past is also filled with less monumental but equally valuable events, relationships, and lessons.

Sometimes our “past” was way back when we were children. Sometimes our “past” was years ago during high school or college. And sometimes our “past” was just last year, or last month, or last week, or even just yesterday. There are always lessons in our “past” for our present and our future.  

This week take a moment to think about the people that have come before you, that have come alongside of you, and at times have gone out ahead of you. Reach out to them and thank them for those lessons. Reach out to them and remind them of those lessons. Just reach out to them.

Forget neither the lessons nor the people. This week share a lesson from your past with someone important in your present. Remember, that past doesn’t create our present or future. We do that on our own. But it informs it. It helps us understand what we want to bring with us, and what we want to leave behind. It helps us understand what we want to avoid, and what we want to find.  

The past - as painful or forgettable as it may be, as beautiful or as memorable as it may be - is a path that leads to our future.

Chris