A Letter from Chris Suarez
Stop Surviving. That Isn’t Your Choice.
Good Evening Leaders,
Although I usually write to you in the early morning hours of Sunday as I think about the week that has just passed, tonight I find myself awake into the late hours of Saturday evening and crossing over into Sunday…
All week, I had planned to write about the importance of delayed gratification - steps to build it in ourselves, strategies to instill it in our children and the impact it has on our business. And while, yes, that is important and I will share that in the future with you, tonight there is another story that is heavy and keeping me up and needs to be told.
Earlier this I learned that a good friend and business partner of mine in multiple businesses, died tragically and unexpectedly early today. I won’t share many details as many of her friends are just beginning to find out. And of course, there are many things we often hear and feel when something like this happens. That feeling that life is too short, that we should appreciate the time that we have, to make sure that those we love know that we love them, the immediate self-reflection as to whether or not we are doing what we love or doing what is important, and the inner struggle of purpose.
In lieu of that, this evening I’d like to implore you to stop surviving. We use that expression all too often. In the last couple of months it seems every business owner talks about going into “survival mode”, the media talks only about “surviving” the pandemic, and in response to our friends and family asking how we are doing, we give the trite and automatic ‘oh, we’re surviving’ as our answer. Survival seems to be the topic of every virtual meeting and webinar. Countless articles, blogs, podcasts, and social media posts encourage us to focus on survival. You need only look at the lines at bulk grocers and the Amazon.com top purchases of the week to see that as a society we have gone into survival mode.
It’s time to stop surviving.
My friend did not live her life as a “survivor”. She lived in THRIVE mode always. Regardless of what was going on around her, no matter whether our business was succeeding, failing, or maintaining, she lived life fully…focused on what was important to her and those she loved. I got to spend time with her at high points in the business and low points, in various states and two different countries. And regardless, she was always able to laugh and make those around her laugh. Because she never focused on survival. She focused on thriving and living experientially. That is why we were partners.
Survival is a science. Science is easy, based on fact, a series of steps and processes. Life however is an art. Thriving is an art. Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and stoic philosopher said, “The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing, because an artful life requires being prepared to meet and withstand sudden and unexpected attacks.”
Well I agree with most of that, usually. Living is an art. And often we find ourselves wrestling. But today, I want you all to focus on the dancing. We have built our businesses thru wrestling and hard work. There have been many “sudden and unexpected attacks”. For some of you this will be your third, fourth, or even fifth market and economic shift. You didn’t survive them. You thrived thru them. And this time is just like those times.
Be careful that you do not begin to call yourself a survivor. I challenge you to make sure that you call yourself a “thriver”. Dr. Zach Bush explains that we often create our identity around the story we tell ourselves. If your story is survival, you will do just that – survive. But JUST that. You just survive. And in fact, if you are a “survivor” then you will always need something TO survive. You will always need a tragedy, a disaster, a highly dramatic situation in order to survive. Why? Well you’ve attached your identity to it. If your identity is a survivor, then you need something to survive.
It’s not unlike someone being a “fixer”. You may be incredible at “fixing” other people’s problems. However, if you begin to identify yourself as a “fixer”, then you will always do just that – fix things. By nature of being a ‘fixer'“, your identity is tied to finding problems to fix. You will constantly need to fix something. And if there is nothing broke at the moment, well you will create your own problem in order to fix it, or question your self-worth, because you have not fixed something today.
We are all here to thrive. We didn’t take our first breath and first step merely to survive. We didn’t make it thru the last three or four or five economic shifts merely to survive. We didn’t partner together merely to survive. This week I challenge each of you to prove to yourself and prove to me that you are here to thrive. Stop allowing yourself to hunker down in survive mode. That wont do anyone any good, most importantly, not you. Our lives are too short to put on hold and go thru periods of “survival”, or inactivity.
None of us have unlimited time right now. I recently heard a story retold about Nelson Mandela who served some 27 years in prison. Someone asked Mandela one day, after he was released how did he survive all those years. His response is telling, “Oh, I wasn’t surviving. I was preparing.”
In honor of a friend that didn’t survive, but who lived every day I knew her as a thriver, go out and do just that. At times survival is not a choice. Thriving always is. We didn’t create our organization on a simple mission of ‘building lives through real estate’. No, we decided to partner around a mission “To Build Xperiential Lives Through Real Estate”.
Stop surviving. At times that may not be your choice.
Start thriving. At all times, that is your choice.
And it is my choice for you as well.
Yours In Thriving,
Chris Suarez
